Cracking the Code of Self-Love through Self Leadership: Video Interview

Written by Guy Reichard

December 14, 2023

Cracking the Code of Self-Love

In a sequel discussion with Nicole Attias, Sales Strategist and founder of Prospect2Win, we delved deeper into the source of limiting beliefs and behaviours, and how we can begin to heal them and replace them with Self Love as I define and expand on Self Leadership.

We open the discussion by unraveling the layers of self-love, and challenging a common misconception by putting a unique spin on it. The conversation unfolds, revealing once again the highly common protective and problematic parts that make up our internal landscape (ones we talked about in the first video). The emphasis is on embracing a holistic and inclusive approach, encouraging people to love every facet of their being, fostering a strong, supportive foundation for genuine personal transformation and development.

  • ” I think most of us have it backwards we’re told to practice self-love and self-compassion. As in, you need to be more loving towards yourself. I’d like to put it out there that what we really need more of is to allow Self to love us. For our Authentic Self, who we are at our core, to love all of who we are, including and especially, our problematic protective parts and our hurt and wounded parts.”

Coaching for Self Leadership informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS)

As we continue the discussion, I share more about Self Leadership Coaching guided by the trauma-informed, evidence based, Internal Family Systems (IFS) framework, which helps give us a deeper understanding of the internal workings of the human psyche.

I introduce the concept of Parts Work or Parts Coaching, which is a relational process that treats each facet of what we think of as our Personality, as a unique individual – known as Parts or Sub-Personalities.

By recognizing, acknowledging and accepting these parts of us, and coming to understand that they can take on rigid, protective roles (like the perfectionist, the inner critic, the people-pleaser, the impostor, the judge and more) we can forge a deeper connection with, and trust of our Authentic Selves. This ultimately paves the way for transformative personal development.

  • “I help people learn how to do Parts work, a relational process, a way of having a relationship and relating to our different parts as if they’re unique individuals within us.”
  • “Instead of seeing the inner critic like an enemy inside of us that needs to be conquered or tamed, we try to learn what’s its purpose and what is it really doing from a compassionate viewpoint. We look and see that it’s trying to protect a younger, wounded part of us…”

Recognizing Authentic Self: The C’s and P’s

We move on to explore how we know when we’re in Self (Authentic Self) and that’s characterized by the 8C’s and 5P’s: the C’s are calm, clarity, compassion, confidence, connectedness, courage, creativity, and curiosity and the P’s are patience, persistence, perspective, playfulness, and presence.

We discuss the nuances of recognizing when you’re operating from Self, and we underscore the importance of understanding and embracing the roles that our different parts play, fostering an inner environment of self-awareness, self-acceptance, and self-compassion: i.e. Self-Love.

  • “If we’re more understanding, more patient, more open and tuned, chances are we’re more in Self, and we can listen and understand what these parts, the roles that they’ve taken on, what they’re trying to do and they point to a part of us that needs healing.”

The Lifelong Journey of Self Discovery and Growth

Reflecting on personal development as a perpetual journey, we emphasize that self-discovery isn’t a one-time endeavor. It’s a continuous and lifelong journey marked by learning, growth, and healing. We share some personal anecdotes, underlining the transformative nature of the ongoing process of discovering and evolving one’s identity and purpose.

  • “Many people start to recognize they’re not free. Why can’t I just be who I am?”
  • “It’s a lifelong journey of learning, growing, healing, and discovering who we really are.”

Authentic Presence & Contribution

The final segment explores the concept of authentic presence, warmth, and power. I challenge the myth that personal development is selfish, shedding light on its transformative impact on others and our ability to positively influence and contribute to the world.

  • “When you do this inner work, when you develop yourself, when you grow, when you heal, you become a better person for others as well. It’s not just for yourself; it’s about how you show up in the world.”

Watch the Full Interview here:


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