You’re the one everyone counts on. You fill the gaps, absorb the chaos, and deliver — every time. And somehow that’s become the thing that costs you the most.
This piece is about what reliable actually means, why you can’t say anything about it, and what it would take to start showing up for yourself with the same commitment you bring to everyone else.
You walk into the room prepared. You’ve done the work, you know your material, you have something real to contribute. And then it happens — someone starts talking, or makes one quiet remark, and something in you just… goes.
When someone’s energy, their certainty, their one quiet remark made you go small and quiet — why it’s not just about you, and what it takes to stay yourself.
When burnout hits or toxic work takes its toll, you don’t fall apart randomly.
The parts of you that formed years ago to protect you from pain, shame, and helplessness — they step up. They take over. They do what they were built to do.
In the HeartRich framework, I call them your Inner Crews.
For a long time, the people around me thought I was doing fine. From most angles, my life looked stable — even successful.
Inside, I had a word for what was actually happening. A word I made up, because no existing word quite covered it.
Depranxed.
Why can’t I speak up when I need to? Why do I keep people-pleasing even when it costs me? Why do I just want Thai food but end up wherever everyone else wants to go?
Underneath all of it is a quieter, more painful question: What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. But something very specific is happening.