Why can’t I speak up when I need to? Why do I keep people-pleasing even when it costs me? Why do I just want Thai food but end up wherever everyone else wants to go?
Underneath all of it is a quieter, more painful question: What is wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. But something very specific is happening.
Carl Jung called it the Shadow: the parts of ourselves we’d rather not see. Our hidden fears, flaws, impulses, needs, and shames. The weakness we can’t tolerate in others.
In Self Leadership and parts work, we know the Shadow by another name: the Exiles.
Here’s what happens when you finally turn toward the parts of yourself you’ve been hiding from.
Setting boundaries isn’t hard because you lack assertiveness.
It’s hard because a part of you learned, long ago, that expressing your needs was dangerous.
Understanding that is where real change begins.
In a recent podcast interview I shared my responses to 6 core questions that will help you get to know me better as a heart centered + self leadership coach. One is uniquely different than the rest – it’s the Goosebump Question – you can watch that or listen to the whole thing here
A couple of months back, I was offered an opportunity to be a guest on a podcast called The Daily Path.
It was my first ‘real’ podcast and we got the chance to speak about: what brought me to coaching as a profession — the work of Values Coaching — and what one of my biggest obstacles has been in business.
Self Leadership is the lifelong practice of returning leadership to your Authentic Self — building the awareness, trust, and safety needed to move beyond protection-organized patterns, reclaim your natural capacities, and live in alignment with your deepest values even under pressure.
It is not self-management. It is not productivity optimization, emotional control, or disciplining yourself into better habits. Self Leadership asks a different question entirely:
Who is actually leading within you?